You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
