Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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