That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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