I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
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Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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