I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
