Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
as a side note pls kill me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
