I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
