Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
