this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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