on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
