I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
