So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
