I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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