i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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