can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
there's paper in my vomit.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
