I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
