Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
