Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
