thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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