I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize