I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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