Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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