So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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