He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This baby is an asshole
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
