Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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