Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
