I hate all girls vehemently.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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