Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
