He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
