I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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