I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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