My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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