my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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