and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
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there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
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Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize