I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
