He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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