just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
bring money and cleavage
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The power of my boobs compel you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
