She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
