so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
