I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Welp...herpes.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
