Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
