Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
