Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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