I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
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Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?