apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..