Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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