i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
