Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.

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(432): View more from Texas

His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.

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(408): View more from California

He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.

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(315): View more from New York

I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(941): View more from Florida

Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.

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(772): View more from Florida

You're fine

(585): View more from New York

I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I'm drinking too much free beer

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today

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