saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
