your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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