Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
