you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
