Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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