soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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