Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
