was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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