I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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