I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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