Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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