Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
