some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
