omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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