we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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