saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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