can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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