she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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