Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
