Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
