I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
