Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
