Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
