i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
